Monday, February 20, 2006

Rules for Nudists?

Cleveland: In a community service announcement to all Nudists considering employment as Nude models we are happy to bring you these tips on Nude modelling. These tips were carried in the Plain Dealer. Those wishing to read more should click here.

1. Avoid eye contact with students while posing.

2. Focus on a spot on the wall, floor or out the window while posing.

3. For long poses, try to choose something comfortable.

4. Put on a robe during breaks.

5. Remove body jewelry while posing.

6. Don't talk or mingle with students or instructors.

7. Try to take poses that imply movement.

8. Picture yourself as a classic statue standing in the town square.

Still these rules have lead to some disturbing issues.

We are uncertain as to the admonition to remove body jewellery. Is this minamalist dogma writ large? Do the uber nudists consider body jewellery a form of clothing? The implications are disturbing. Will the nudist revolution be fractured by internal strife before it has marched off the beaches? Will the uber nudists declare hair a form of clothing and go around bald the self declared puritans of the Nudist revolution? Sadly we can forsee strife with the naturist nudists. These hirsute devotees no doubt will preach anathema against razors and hair clippers of all sorts. No doubt their luddite tendencies will be further inflamed by waxing and electrolysis.

Into this volatile mix enters the explosive issue of tatoos. Are these to be regarded as a violation of the body's sacred canvas or simply to be regarded as the ultimate demonstration of free expression? Will there supposed sacrilege against the body's sacred temple have them expelled from our nudist Eden? Is it possible that they will have to seek sanctuary in sme Scandinavian nudists colony faraway from the reaches of the uber nudists?

Will the membrane of the nudist revolution be torn by sectarian nudist strife? Is it possible that the nudist revolution could become bogged down by dogma? In the future nudist society god forbid there maybe strict nudist segregation. One may stumble into one community of uber nudists where the discovery of one hair follicle would be grounds for instant expulsion. At other colonies those nudists without tattoos would be second hand citizens the unembellished underclass.

Could it all come to this? It was all meant to be so innocent. Everyone is meant to tbe better off.

Could having one set of rules lead to so much confusion? Who will save our troubled nudist pictured here?

Perhaps we should just issue a fatwah or draw a tiny little cartoon.

The Nude News Legal Department has received a grant from the European Commision to examine the legal protection for Nudist minorities. They are currently drafting legislation that would ban the the offending of nudist sensibilities.

The Nude News Weather desk has continued excellent conditions for Singapore, Sydney and Jakarta. Nudists in the Northern Hemisphere are advised to hibernate for awhile longer.


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