Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Uber Nudists Penetrate Islam

As a community service announcement for married Nudists and those contemplating the sacrament we have linked with this bulletin Leilouta's guide to, "How to Make your Wife Happy". Amongst many pearls of wisdom we took particular note of this sage advice for husbands (and potential husbands).

"10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
* Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.

* Always being clean and neat.
* Put on perfume for her. "

Cadres of Uber Nudists have obviously been at work here. As we have previously reported it is a fundamental pillar of Uber Nudist doctrine that hair is a form of clothing and needs to be removed in their vision of a perfect Nudist world.

Such subtlelty! Planting the seeds of revolution so deep and so carefully! Whole generations of men will now be sub-consciously in thrall to the Uber Nudist agenda. Not since the Soviets were able to subvert a whole generation of Cambridge and Oxford graduates has there been such a successful coup!

However the seeds of internecine strife are not far away! Naturists nudists too have been successful. The injunction to grow beards clearly the work of some Naturist Nudist who is not a shareholder of Gillette.

As the Nude News Legal Department has often warned public nudity in predominantly Islamic countries may be subject to various forms of sanction. Some of them quite unpleasant. Still the seeds have now been sown and the ultimate triumph of the Nudists revolution may now be something more than a pious aspiration.

Monday, March 13, 2006

The Colour Purple


Jakarta: In a recent post we covered included a photo of a protest against the anti pornography bill. Leilouta asked why was the colour of the body purple? If anyone knows the answer please send back a comment in the section below.

Lombok: Protests against the proposed legislation have continued during the weekend in Lombok.

The Nude News legal department maintains its warning to avoid public nudity in Jakarta.

The Nude News on Sunday

This Sunday we are bringing you a bulletin of story's that we consider of interest to Nudists that are collected from around the blogosphere.

The United KingdomThe Religious Policeman has for those Nudists who may have neglected their history classes a fascinating, Short History of Arabia.

The United States Leilouta has an interesting and some would say amusing view on "How to make your Husband happy". Nudists who are in need of marriage counseling should consult with a qualified minister of religion if they remain confused. Those who feel unhappy should consult with the Nude News Legal Department for advice on how to divorce in any number of jurisdictions.

Hong Kong: Our most intrepid correspondent, A Babe in Toyland has some pertinent travel advice for all nudists with a travel bug.

The Nude News Weather: There is recurring nudist alert outstanding for Prague. All nudists are advised to leave Prague immediately. Temperatures are not expected to rise above -5c for the foreseeable future. Prague based nudists who want a good time should evacuate immediately

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Contempt - and not just for Nudists


Edinburgh: Following our earlier reports of his arrest, we can now add that Nudist hero Mr Stephen Gough has been jailed for contempt by an Edinburgh court. Mr Gough's nudity and refusal to follow the fashion dictates of the Edinburgh sheriffs Court have been judged to be a contempt of court. Mr Gough will now have two months in a Scottish jail to ponder the dress codes and mores of the justice system in the United Kingdom.

Jakarta: Contempt of court develops a new meaning in the case of Tommy Soeharto. The son of former President Soeharto has been reportedly seen in Jakarta on an ever increasing basis notwithstanding a 15 year sentence for murder (now reduced to 7). Last month if reports are to be believed, he spent thirteen days in the capital for medical treatment. The treatment was so urgent and so serious it could only be treated at his luxury villa on the outskirts of Jakarta. No doubt concerned citizens would rest safely in their beds in the knowledge that a convicted murderer is being safely confined in his own home. This bulletin wonders if Tommy would like to change places with Mr Gough for two months?

Indcoup has more on this story read it here.

Jakarta: Woman seem to be still held in contempt by proponents of the new anti pornography bill in the Indonesia. Protest have been gathering such as the one pictured here. If you are having trouble with the caption it reads "My Body belongs to me".

The bill which if implemented would not only be looking at pornography but also introduces the concept of immoral behavior. This could be kissing in the streets, holding hands wearing kabaya. Probably more insidious would be a new moral or religious police. With rampant corruption and widespread abuses hopelessly undermining confidence in the existing police force what are the portents of a new one? No doubt arrest statistics will increase as we see large numbers of woman arrested for wearing "revealing clothes" whilst convicted murderers spend large periods out of jail and trillions of ruppiah are stolen from the government coffers every year.

In the meantime the Nude News legal department advises nudists in Jakarta to refrain from public nudity.

The Nude News Weather
has excellent conditions for nudists in Singapore and Sydney. Prague nudists who may be rejoicing over a current heat wave of 5C, will be put back in the deep freeze on the weekend when temperatures should fall belor-5C again.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Potential setbacks in Indonesia

Jakarta: In his post today, Jakartass also deals with the proposed pornography bill in Indonesia. Thanks to his post we have been made aware of another blog, Jiwa Merdeka that is also taking a stand against the proposed legislation. There is more reaction to this in our earlier bulletin.

As Jakartass points out,

"The state has already had several laws, which provide a sufficient legal response to sexual-related and pornography-related crimes. Those laws are the Criminal Code, Law on Press, Law on Broadcasting, Law on National Motion Picture, Law on Children Protection and Law on Domestic Violence.

The members of the House of Representatives should pay more attention to real, pressing problems of poverty, economic uncertainty and education stagnation instead of drafting an absurd law that will adversely affect the integrity of our nation."



Electronposts also has a lot on this issue.

Successes and Failures for the Nudist Revolution

IndCoup reports today that even Bank Indonesia is vulnerable to the nudist revolution. Whilst this August institution has at times been a stranger to exposure, certainly to transparency, it is good to see that they have in the case of art made an exception.

Scotland: Following on from yesterday's bulletin, we must report that police harassment of Stephen Gough has continued. He was arrested outside an Edinburgh court for being naked. Sheriff's of the court have maintained that our Nudist hero is in contempt of the court. One wonders how many times this hero of the Nudist movement will be carted off (like a fellow activist pictured here) to gaol before his cause ultimately triumphs.

Is this a case of judicial activism?

Citizens of the United Kingdom and other Commonwealth countries have long tolerated the cross dressing fantasies of members of the legal profession. Horse hair wigs, flowing black gowns, garters, ermine trimmed coats and gorgeous scarlet robes are gladly indulged and tolerated. Yet these beneficiaries of the public indulgence have turned fashionistas. Why should they make Mr Gough conform with there bizarre and some would say ambiguous role playing? Do they fear a day perhaps not long far off that they will have to sit on the bench all of their dignity revealed? One wonders how His honor (pictured) will maintain his dignity in the future?

Jakarta: There is nothing funny going on with respect to the proposed pornography legislation proposed in Indonesia. As Pandaya reports in today's Jakarta Post, a good many people may be impacted by the proposed bill. (We will quote from Pandaya'a article at length below. Links to the Jakarta post on line edition are often unreliable.)

" Javanese women have to hang up their kebaya, or blouses, for good because Article 79 of the bill mandates a Rp 200 million fine and a minimal jail term of two years for "showing off sensual parts of the female body", which include thighs, hips, breasts and navel. Imagine how many millions of women in Java, Bali and Sulawesi will be jailed and bankrupted."


As Pandaya rightly points out the focus seems to be disproportionately on woman. For those who may have have thought Kebaya was some form of Brazilian inspired bikini. Please see the picture right to see the elegant and tasteful dress worn so gracefully by millions of Indonesian woman.

"The bill, which in part is meant to protect women from sexual exploitation, ends up demonizing women as the cause of all sexual evils, compelling the state to force them to cover up. Mind you, the definition of "sensual body parts" does not really apply to men!"

It is always good to know that legislators have got their priorities right. After all in a country that has rampant corruption, which a casual observer may, with some justification, conclude leads to moral stagation. Something the proponents of the Pornography Bill hope to combat. As Pandaya concludes,

"The truth is that pornography, like many other social ills, is rampant because the laws are not properly enforced as corruption reigns supreme. The distribution and sale of "erotic" materials are not regulated. Raunchy tabloids are not stopped by the Press Law.

With the country campaigning to combat corruption, it would seem the bill on the protection of whistle-blowers is more urgent than the porn bill. "

The Nude News Weather has bleak conditions in Berlin to greet Germany's returning footballers after being thumped by Italy. Argentina too,is expecting storms after their side was edged by Croatia.Conditions remain excellent for nudists in Singapore.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The Nude March


The United Kingdom: In an event that future generations may see as a crossing of the Rubicon, Stephen Gough and Melanie Roberts have completed their long march into the halls of the heroes of the Nudist revolution. They have trekked nude from Lands End to John O'Groats. On the way they were arrested a total of 14 times. Stephen 9 times and Melanie 5 times. Read more here.

A former marine Gough has been campaigning for the right to be nude. Sustained in their long trek by fellow nudists (please see photo) the pair have been making an emphatic stand on behalf of all nudists. No doubt one day in the future when the Nude revolution has triumphed everywhere this former marine can stand nude amongst his fellows on parade at the trooping of the colour.

Times remain tough for French Nudists. The Gendamerie continue there heavy handed actions against Nudists. Nude activists are submitted to the indignity of being covered with makeshift garments and marched off under the supervision of fully clothed officials.


Paris: However not all is lost for French nudists. The Louvre in Paris has opened an exhibition of the works of Jean Auguste Ingres. In a subtle yet powerful display of solidarity for all nudists, the exhibition again highlights the inescapable links between nudity and everyday life. For nudists who are interested they should read a review by Richard Dormant from the Telegraph newspaper online.

The Nude News Weather has continuing excellent conditions for nudists in Singapore and Sydney. Nudists can expect unsettled weather in Jakarta and Melbourne. Bleak conditions have returned to Prague.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Crime and Punishment


The Religious Policeman a favourite of the editorial team of this bulletin has a hilarious discourse on slavery. All Nudists are strongly advised to read it. No doubt the Princes featured in his story may wish to see a return to corporal punishment. Long unfashionable in the western sphere of this humble planet, we understand that in old fashioned society it still holds sway - after dark.

In a further community service announcement we urge all nudists to send a nude card in an effort to spread nudist goodwill to all believers and non believers alike.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Rules for Nudists?

Cleveland: In a community service announcement to all Nudists considering employment as Nude models we are happy to bring you these tips on Nude modelling. These tips were carried in the Plain Dealer. Those wishing to read more should click here.

1. Avoid eye contact with students while posing.

2. Focus on a spot on the wall, floor or out the window while posing.

3. For long poses, try to choose something comfortable.

4. Put on a robe during breaks.

5. Remove body jewelry while posing.

6. Don't talk or mingle with students or instructors.

7. Try to take poses that imply movement.

8. Picture yourself as a classic statue standing in the town square.

Still these rules have lead to some disturbing issues.

We are uncertain as to the admonition to remove body jewellery. Is this minamalist dogma writ large? Do the uber nudists consider body jewellery a form of clothing? The implications are disturbing. Will the nudist revolution be fractured by internal strife before it has marched off the beaches? Will the uber nudists declare hair a form of clothing and go around bald the self declared puritans of the Nudist revolution? Sadly we can forsee strife with the naturist nudists. These hirsute devotees no doubt will preach anathema against razors and hair clippers of all sorts. No doubt their luddite tendencies will be further inflamed by waxing and electrolysis.

Into this volatile mix enters the explosive issue of tatoos. Are these to be regarded as a violation of the body's sacred canvas or simply to be regarded as the ultimate demonstration of free expression? Will there supposed sacrilege against the body's sacred temple have them expelled from our nudist Eden? Is it possible that they will have to seek sanctuary in sme Scandinavian nudists colony faraway from the reaches of the uber nudists?

Will the membrane of the nudist revolution be torn by sectarian nudist strife? Is it possible that the nudist revolution could become bogged down by dogma? In the future nudist society god forbid there maybe strict nudist segregation. One may stumble into one community of uber nudists where the discovery of one hair follicle would be grounds for instant expulsion. At other colonies those nudists without tattoos would be second hand citizens the unembellished underclass.

Could it all come to this? It was all meant to be so innocent. Everyone is meant to tbe better off.

Could having one set of rules lead to so much confusion? Who will save our troubled nudist pictured here?

Perhaps we should just issue a fatwah or draw a tiny little cartoon.

The Nude News Legal Department has received a grant from the European Commision to examine the legal protection for Nudist minorities. They are currently drafting legislation that would ban the the offending of nudist sensibilities.

The Nude News Weather desk has continued excellent conditions for Singapore, Sydney and Jakarta. Nudists in the Northern Hemisphere are advised to hibernate for awhile longer.